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One of the things I quickly found out was that people like small talk. I hate small talk for the most part. I always have the really weird and often powerful urge to walk away from people when I am not interested in the topic. I don’t understand this urge, but it can be powerful. I used to walk away all the time, and I still do it occasionally. I have learnt over time that this is considered rude, so I fight the urge and stick it out in public. It is one of the toughest battles I have faced as an Aspie. I prefer conversations that are concise and brief. No need to dwell on and on over the same points. I tend to cut conversations off once I am satisfied that what needed to be understood is understood. This is great in a business environment, but probably comes across as arrogant and offensive in a social situation, which I don’t mean to be. I try not to be, but when I am using so much energy focusing on social situations, I cannot remember every social cue I am suppose to remember. I do not have the automatic social capabilities of neuro-typical people. Usually, I just want to say my piece and get out of there. This is further complicated by my inability to pick up on tone. Sometimes I think people are being short with their tone when they are not. At times, I am told, my tone can be short with people when I am not intending to be so. So for more than forty years, this has led me to say very little in social situations. I avoid conversations especially when it involves interrupting people. I don’t want to do the wrong thing.
Even when I am interested in the topic and I am at home, I am usually in front of the PC. What people don’t seem to realize is that I can talk and operate the PC at the same time. To me this is perfectly logical; I can get things done while talking, but I have learnt this is not socially acceptable, and it is considered rude, which frustrates me. Why sit at the table anxiously talking to a visitor when I am perfectly capable of talking to people in any important conversation and working on my PC at the same time, which counteracts the anxiety I feel when sitting face to face. To me it is just insane not to do this, but apparently I am the one with the problem. Sometimes I am engaged in a conversation and I am very interested, but I really need to be doing something else at the same time. So when I am talking to someone, I am usually looking at what else is going on. I am perfectly engaged in the conversation, but I have a lack of eye-contact. This is apparently an Aspie thing, but I am much better at it then I used to be. Again, this is a battle for me because this is also considered rude. So, I usually talk with my hands, which helps me not be rude. However, I often forget to do this and I spend my time looking around, especially if something catches my eye, like a TV or computer screen.
The other problem with socializing is that it takes a vast amount of energy. Aspies are forced to use their intellect to survive any social situation. I am no different. We simply do not have the natural ability to deal with social situations. When in a conversation with more than one person, I tend to hold back mainly because I am trying to focus on what is being said and developing answers, but before I know it, someone else has cut in. I think I often come across as mute. These things rapidly raise my anxiety level. When more than one person is talking at once, I have a lot of trouble focusing, and it is often too much for me. It really is hard work. By the end of a social evening, I am exhausted because I’ve been anxious and focusing all night.
When I get home, I need to sit back and chill and find a way to recharge. If I go straight to bed I will relive the evening over and over, reliving a conversation and focusing on what I should have said. The only way to recharge is to go to an obsession, usually my PC.